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Did you know that PETA has killed 41,539 animals including a dog they stole off of someone’s porch? Now you do. And here’s why. I love dogs. I even have one! This is Milton. Hey Milton, can you say PETA sucks? We’re working on it. Let me speak clearly here, I am not saying “Peter sucks” although I’m sure there’s someone out there named Peter who does. I mean P-E-T-A. People for the ethical treatment of animals. That’s the most misleading name since the movie 88 minutes actually took 111. The reality is PETA does not treat animals ethically – at all. Let’s start with their kill rate. PETA runs an animal shelter in Norfolk, Virginia.

That’s good, right? Well, it should be. According to Virginia’s department of agriculture and consumer services, Virginia’s private shelters euthanized 4.3% of dogs they took in in 2019. Let’s see what PETA’s euthanization rate was: just slightly higher than 4.3% at…57%. Yep, if you took a dog into PETA’s shelter in 2019, the odds that it was put down are better than the odds it was than adopted out. Way better, actually, because PETA only adopted out 1.8% of the dogs that were brought in. While the average in other Virginia private shelters was a 75% adoption rate. If you brought a dog into PETA’s shelter in 2019, it was 30 times more likely to get killed than adopted.

Should I stop here? I should be afraid that PETA supporters are going to release the hounds on me, but PETA has already made sure they’ve been put down. Want some more statistics? Sure. The scariest thing is that 2019 was PETA’s most humane year. Killing 57% of dogs and 72% of cats that came through its shelter was a huge improvement over previous years, where PETA killed above 97% of all animals that came through their doors. PETA’s kill

rate topped 90% for six years in a row. Since 1998, PETA’s self-reported numbers say that they’ve taken in 49,737 animals and killed 41,539 of them for an 83.5% kill rate over the course of 20 years.

That’s not a shelter, that is a slaughterhouse. Well, not really – at least a slaughterhouse doesn’t trick people into bringing them cows. And that is according to PETA’s own records. Or as I like to call them – the PETA-files. What possible explanation could PETA have for killing the vast majority of animals in their shelter? A few years ago Heather Carlson, the “Manager of Communications” for PETA followed me on twitter. I pressed her on PETA having a kill

rate that Jeffrey Dahmer would find excessive. Ms. Carlson quickly told me she was NOT a spokesperson – despite her Twitter bio saying she was the manager of communications. Ms. Carlson also told me that “they see the worst cases”, repeating the story PETA often feeds to the public. That PETA somehow takes in the lost cause animals that other shelters don’t want, which is why so many have to be put down. And that would make sense except that it’s total bullshit.

First of all, PETA has MONEY. PETA raised over $50 million dollars last year, and, according to their own reporting, they spent $20 million of that on “Research, Investigations, and Rescue”. How many animal adoptions did that $20 million dollars go towards last year? Just 29. That is about $700,000 per successful adoption. Seems…excessive. What are they feeding the dogs, five dollar bills? And yes – PETA does transfer SOME of the animals they don’t end up killing to other shelters. So the extremely well-funded PETA transfers some of their allegedly last chance animals to other shelters that have way less money. And miraculously, those shelters find a way to NOT KILL MOST OF THOSE ANIMALS.

PETA isn’t a national shelter – it’s local, just to the Norfolk, Virginia area. People don’t drive for hours to drop off abandoned dogs, they bring them to whatever shelter is closest. Also, other private shelters aren’t turning away animals that are sick en masse. In fact, PETA actually transfers more animals to other shelters than it adopts out – so the idea that they are the animal’s last chance is statistically incorrect, as other shelters actually take in PETA animals. Despite what they claim, PETA isn’t some last chance sanctuary – PETA gets whatever animals that happen to be brought to them. Except in the cases where they actively kidnap family pets, like they did in 2014 when they tried to coax a family dog off a porch. When the dog wouldn’t come, PETA representatives trespassed and took the dog. They denied it of course, and it was he said/she said. Except the owner had it on film. Which would save the dog, because Virginia has a law requiring shelters to keep dogs for at least 5 days before putting them down. PETA, however, admitted to killing the dog within a few hours of taking it. And then PETA tried to settle the matter by giving the family a fruit basket.

Because they’re super villains. Calling PETA super villains is a bit harsh – until you read why they’ve been killing so many animals. I don’t mean to let the cat out of the bag. But PETA, please let all your cats out of your bags. In Batman Begins, Ra’s al Ghul wants to save the people of Gotham from crime. And he decides the best way to do that is to kill them all. Sorry if that spoils the plot for you, but that movie is from 2005. That movie is so old, it is old enough to buy a ticket to a more recent Batman movie.

Ingrid Newkirk, PETA’s founder, told the Washington Post that outdoor cats should be killed instead of left to wander. And that is a stance others have taken as well. But Newkirk doesn’t stop with outdoor cats. Newkirk called having any pet “an abysmal situation.” She also said “If people want toys, they should buy inanimate objects. If they want companionship, they should seek it with their own kind.” And she said “I think it would be lovely if we stopped this whole notion of pets altogether.”

And that is what PETA is trying to do. They’re trying to eliminate pets. PETA believes that dogs like Milton are better off dead than owned by people like you and I. That it is somehow torture to provide dogs with meals, toys, walks, belly rubs, and like 8 beds throughout the house. Yeah, Milton has a pretty good life. And PETA wants him dead. They want your dog dead, too.

I agree with PETA that there are too many animals in shelters, and I agree that plenty of pet owners should not be pet owners. But we can fix those problems without murdering all the animals. As the saying goes, there’s more

than one way to skin a cat. Which is something PETA has probably done. And to make this even more ridiculous, Heather Carlson – remember, the manager of communications that somehow isn’t a spokesperson – said she adopted her dogs from PETA. So of the few dozen dogs they actually adopt out each year to keep the guise of an animal shelter, some of them go to their own damn staff.

I don’t want to beat a dead horse here, but I also want PETA to stop killing horses. That is a joke. They mainly kill cats and dogs. See, the state of Virginia once tried to close PETA, and various groups have advocated for legally re-classifying PETA as a slaughterhouse. Which would eliminate PETA’s 501c3 status that they’re able to keep because they’re classified as a shelter. Now do you see why an organization that seeks to eliminate pets helps a few people adopt them? Because it makes their slaughterhouse tax-exempt.

So why am I making this video? Because I want PETA to stop killing animals. I can’t stop them from making horrifying books for kids that graphically show animal slaughter. And I can’t stop their idiotic campaign to try to get us to change animal-based idioms. Like changing “kill two birds with one stone” to “feed two birds with one scone”. Yeah, that’s a real thing. I won’t get into the rest of them because I don’t want this video to be longer than the movie 88 Minutes. But I want PETA to stop posing as a “shelter”. I want them to never physically touch another animal again. I want the state of Virginia to keep trying to close their “shelter” until it works. And suddenly, I kind of want a scone. But what do I know. I should probably just stick to comedy.

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